The phrase sound easy, doesn't it? Be yourself. But which "yourself" are you supposed to be? The you that you are? Or the you everyone else tries to make you into being?
When I was a child, I was forced into a religion I did not believe in. My mother even admits now that I did not want to be baptized, but they made me to it anyway. Being the rule follower that I was, I tried to do everything they told me to do. I prayed, I read the bible, I went to church, I volunteered. and yet - I was unhappy, as unhappy as a person can be. When I would bring it up, they told me I wasn't doing enough and that I just needed to do more.
The problem was, that was not who I was at my core. From my earliest memory, I was a very sexual child. And yet, that was never to be discussed or talked about, let alone acted upon. So, I took to self-pleasure like a duck to water and while it filled my need, I also felt extreme guilt for doing so.
Talk about a life of guilt. As I got older, I would go for months without pleasure and then when I gave in, I would mentally beat myself up. My fantasies were wild, crazy, and I was sure I would be damned for them.
Then, one day someone said a phrase I had heard so many times "Be yourself" and I took it a different way. Be myself. Who am I and what makes me happy? I gave up religion and embraced who I was inside. Well, look at that! I can gain and give pleasure and it doesn't make me guilty anymore. Well, at first I still fought the guilt, but not anymore. I haven't felt guilty in ages.
In fact, it is through being myself, that I finally started writing down the erotica that continually flows through my mind. First in fanfiction, then in my own original works.
So, next time someone says "Be Yourself", think on it. Who are you? What makes you tick?
Be yourself. You are the only one who can really make you happy. Rejoice that inner person, love them, be happy. Tell the rest of the world that you are happy being yourself when/if they look down their noses.
Cause I gotta tell you - when you become yourself, you find a whole lotta people who will love you JUST AS YOU ARE!
Labels: erotic, erotic romance, erotica, perverted mind, punishment, writing